apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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