We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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