Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
