it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
