i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
