I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
