So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
