Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
