You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Randomize
