so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
