Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
