Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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