I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
