I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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