I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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