Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
