i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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