Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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