WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
