is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
