yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
