Sober January is a disaster.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
