sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
