How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
