If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
