I wish they made helmets for livers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
