I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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