Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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