I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
