You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
