Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
