I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
