Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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