ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
