We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
