A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
