There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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