1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
