it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
