I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
