You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
