Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
