speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
where are my eyebrows?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
