remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
