Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
