Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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