So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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