Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
