hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
