defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
