And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my moral compass just broke
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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