meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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